


Sunshine and Fire

by sillythings



Category: Bleach
Genre: A Little Bit Smutty, F/M, a little bit angsty, set during their separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 19:59:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillythings/pseuds/sillythings
Summary: This could be read as a companion piece to "Stupid," but it also stands alone.  Rukia has some time to think about her past with Renji.





	Sunshine and Fire

She had not expected to see him.

Rukia had fallen out of step with Sir Kaien the moment she had seen Renji standing, tall and scowling, outside of the bar. She had just a moment to glimpse him before Sir Kaien bellowed at her to catch up.

From her brief look, Rukia saw that Renji had grown broader, no longer the slender young man he had been in the Academy.  He had a fearsome stance as he stood waiting with some of his fellow officers. Fellow officers...Rukia found it hard to process. Renji really was an officer now.

When she heard he had won the sixth seat of Squad 11, Rukia had been equal parts envious and proud.  Renji was a natural leader, always had been. She herself had no rank in Squad 13 as of yet, not that it mattered.  Sir Kaien supported and valued her contributions. Still, it stung a little to know Renji had surpassed her, leaving her behind in yet another way...once again.

Rukia’s glance at Renji was all too brief, but she had seen the new tattoos on his chest, probably to celebrate his promotion. She had just seen the newest of them peeking out from the opening of his uniform.  She had half a second to wonder how far down they went before she ripped her eyes away to follow after her lieutenant. With the new ink, Renji looked tougher than ever, like he truly belonged in the notorious Squad 11.

The news of Renji’s transfer to Squad 11 had shocked Rukia. Not that she cared, she told herself, but she could not help that tiny, ice-cold sliver of worry that buried itself in her heart.  Renji was a fierce fighter, no doubt about that, but he was not the brawling brute who was typically drawn to Kenpachi’s squad. He was so smart, top of his class -- and it was a more advanced class than she had ever been placed in, Rukia reflected with a twinge of resentment.  Belonging to Captain Aizen’s squad made so much more sense for the Renji she knew. Captain Aizen was a powerful warrior, but he was an intellectual, a learned man of letters. Renji would have basked in that kind of tutelage which would allow him to refine those rough Inuzuri edges.  

Had he changed so much that he put in for transfer to the most brutal squad?  

It didn’t make sense to Rukia, but nothing Renji did made sense to her, not anymore. She never dreamed that he would let her go, but here she was, alone in her large, luxurious room, in a mansion where the servants called her lady.

And she was miserable.

Byakuya Kuchiki behaved as if she did not exist most of the time, never meeting her eyes when he spoke to her.  For someone who had done everything she could to hold her friends close to her, this alienation from a man who was truly, legally, in the eyes of the world, her family made no sense either.  Rukia could not imagine why he even bothered to adopt her if he could not even bring himself to look at her, much less speak to her. In fact, between her older brother and her old friend, Rukia could not think of two people whose actions made less sense, though she knew they considered themselves to be paragons of reason.

At least she had her lieutenant.  Rukia’s heart stirred with gratitude for Sir Kaien and his kindness.  With him, she had found a sense of belonging again. If it were not for Sir Kaien, she did not think she would have survived these lonely years as Byakuya Kuchiki’s sister and Renji Abarai’s former...what? They had never quite put a name to what they were.  Now they were nothing at all. But it did not matter. Not anymore. Now, she belonged to Squad 13 and had a mentor who would _never_ abandon her.

Thinking of Sir Kaien brought a warmth to her chest, and she remembered his large, strong hand tousling her hair earlier that evening.  His grin and bright blue eyes had lightened her grief over seeing Renji, and she was able to get through the rest of the evening without moping too much.

Lady Miyako had been very kind to her, as well.  The older woman could tell that she was troubled but did not pry.  Rukia wondered if she would ever be as much of a lady as the lovely Miyako.  Gentle and refined, she was still a powerful shinigami. She was all that Rukia wanted to be.

Rukia understood why Kaien Shiba loved his wife beyond all reason.  Throwing herself onto her bed, Rukia sighed and wondered what it would be like to be Lady Miyako and to have the handsome Sir Kaien as her noble husband. She closed her eyes and laid a hand over her heart as she considered what it would be like to be Miyako and receive Kaien’s kiss.  Rukia felt the warmth in her chest rise to her cheeks at the thought. Oh, to be a wife like Miyako to a man like Kaien!

As many etiquette lessons as Rukia had received about how to behave as a proper, noble lady, there were some topics her tutors never got around to discussing.  Rukia knew that noble marriages were different from what passed as marriage in Inuzuri, not that marriage was really much of a concept there. If you shared a space and liked each other well enough, you could call each other husband and wife.  There were not so many rules and formalities. If she and Renji had stayed there, they probably could have called themselves married. They certainly met all of Inuzuri’s requirements for such. The thought of that gave her sharp pain.

Renji’s wife.  

Well, that certainly was out of the question for Lady Kuchiki, but she _was_ Byakuya’s heir.  At some point she might be expected to marry and continue the family line.  Aside from the endless formalities and ceremonies, Rukia imagined there must be more to a being a nobleman’s wife.

After several years with her tutors, she knew how to dress like a lady, speak like a lady.  She was slowly learning how a noble woman managed her household and servants. Marriage was more than sharing a home, though.

A husband and wife would share a bed, would be expected to try for an heir.  Certainly, sharing a bed with a noble husband should be a more more refined affair than sleeping next to Renji.  Rukia felt a warmth pool low in her belly at the thought of Renji next to her, his arms wrapped tightly around her for warmth.  From what she had seen today, those arms had become even stronger and more muscular. She nibbled her thumbnail and wondered if they would feel different than before.  

Rukia shook her head clean of such thoughts.  How uncivilized. It lacked nobility to consider such things, but her heart had quickened at the thought of Renji taking her into his arms again.

Rukia turned her thoughts to her idol once more.  Did Lady Miyako’s heart race when Sir Kaien joined her in bed?  Sir Kaien had strong arms too, maybe even stronger than Renji’s.

Rukia rested her palms lightly on her belly, gently rubbing circles over the fine silk of her sleeping robe as she imagined Sir Kaien’s blue eyes lit with love and desire.  Sir Kaien’s loving looks would be the bright blue of a summer’s cloudless day instead of the fiery red-brown she had known. Did Lady Miyako ache and burn for Sir Kaien as she had for Renji?  Did a true lady have such sensations or was it the crudeness of the Rukongai that made Rukia’s belly heat at the thought of the marriage bed.

Rukia was certain when Sir Kaien came to Lady Miyako’s bed, he would be gentle and reverent as befit his honorable wife.  He was so kind. Surely, his touch would be tender, and he would respect his lady’s modesty, not like some people she could name.

Rukia tried not to think about it.  She closed her eyes tight, but that only made it easier to remember.  

Not long before her life was to change forever, no more than a few weeks before the Kuchiki clan would offer to make her their family, the Academy had given the students a spring holiday.  With no home or family to visit, Renji and Rukia had pooled their meager funds to rent out a room at a village inn rather than stay alone at a mostly empty school, just one more proof that they were of a class far below most of their peers.  Rather than suffer the indignity again, they threw caution to the wind and gave themselves a respite from their studies and from the suffocating decrees of the Academy.

It was reckless of them.  And shameless, really. But it was still one of the most beautiful memories of her life, though it brought her pain to remember it.

Renji’s told their story to the bored looking man running the inn.  They were brother and sister, journeying home from the Academy, on their way to visit their dear mother.  It was a terrible lie, but the innkeep either believed them, or, more likely, did not care so long as there was money to be made.  He led them to a small, airy room and left them standing there, staring at each other.

They both knew why they were there.  They had looked forward to this day for weeks, but now that the day was here, they stood nervously twisting their hands.  Rukia broke first, looking down, away from Renji’s intense stare.

“It’s a nice room,” she said conversationally, looking around.  Compared to the riches she would later know, it was a very humble chamber, indeed, but at the time, it was the height of luxury.  The windows were large, letting in the bright sunshine. Plum trees were blooming just outside, and inside a small fire was lit to take off the chill that was still in the spring air.  Most importantly, there was the soft bedding on the floor, waiting to be unfurled.

“Yeah,” Renji answered, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Not bad.” He threw a pensive glance at the bedding before turning to run his hand over the table where a pot of tea and two cups stood waiting.

Rukia explored the room, opening a window, peeking at the bathtub -- big enough for two, she noted -- before she turned back to Renji with a wide smile.

“I like it here,” she told him.  “It’s nice to be alone again, just us two.”  She felt daring admitting that to him, but it was true.  She knew they were both tired of living in the dorms, sharing intimate space with so many other students.

“Yeah,” he said again, and reached out to take her hand in his.  “I’ve missed that.” He looked down at her, his eyes soft.

She looked up at him, and he stepped closer. Her heart sped up when he bent down, his face so close to hers.

“I’ve missed you,” he said quietly, a smile on his lips.

Oh, she had missed him, too.  How good it was to hear him say it!  They attended different classes. They slept in different dorms.  They practiced and trained with different groups of students. It had been so hard these last two years to find any time at all with him, let alone time alone.  

They made do, snatching moments when they could during the day.  They even snuck out past curfew a few times, just to steal a few quiet moments under the stars, but it was not easy to do.  There were rules in the Academy. Rules in the Seireitei. So many rules it sometimes made their head spin. In Inuzuri, the only rule was that there were no rules.  It meant a brutal life, but it was a free one for all that. Rukia appreciated that she no longer lived in chaos, but she resented the rules that prevented her from holding Renji in her arms at night and listening to his heartbeat.

She smiled at him again, her eyes sparkling.  

“Renji,” she breathed his name, “I --”  but she did not get to finish the thought.  Did not get to tell him that she missed him too.  He bent his head and took the words from her mouth with his own, leaving her breathless and dizzy.  Oh, how she had missed him, but the look in his eyes told her the time for words was over. They had only a short time together, and they were going to make the most of it.  

Renji reached down to playfully untie her sash, the clumsiness of his fingers betraying his nerves.  She pushed him away with faux annoyance.

“Tch! Let me do it,” she huffed at him, “you’re going to knot it.”  He held up his hands in mock fear at her temper before he set to untying his own jacket.  

There, in the middle of the day, with bright daylight streaming through the windows of their rented room, they slowly undressed before each other, peeling away each piece of their Academy uniform, that symbol of their new lives in the Seireitei, until nothing lay between them.  

It was not even midday, but they spread out the bedding on the floor and lay down together face to face, nose to nose.  Rukia could not help the giggle that overcame her, but the giggles soon turned to sighs when Renji, with a very serious expression, kissed her and gently turned her to her back.  He sat back on his knees and let his eyes rove from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, letting his gaze linger on her most secret parts. Rukia’s hands fluttered nervously over her breasts and the vee at the juncture of her legs. It was not like he had not seen her naked before, just as she had seen him.  It was par for the course when living in such close quarters as children, but this long, lingering look was different. They had never looked at each other so closely, so completely. The sunshine pouring through the windows lit them both with a golden glow. There were no secrets left between them. Renji took her nervous hands, so gently, and moved them to lay helpless at her sides.

They met each other’s eyes again, and the loving look he gave her eased any remaining nervousness.  He was her best friend. Her partner in everything. She had nothing to hide from him. Nothing to fear.

Rukia lay tense and excited as Renji began his exploration at her temple, kissing a line down to her ear and then her neck.  With gentle fingers, he traced the ridge of her collar bone, followed the line down to her breastbone. His calloused fingers delicately explored the crook of her elbow, and his lips found a tender patch of skin on the inner part of her arm.  Slowly and thoroughly, Renji inspected and kissed every inch of skin available to his eager hands and mouth, avoiding the most coveted places until he had memorized by sight, taste and touch every other part of her. By the time he kissed his way down to her belly and gently opened her thighs, every nerve ending was on fire, and she opened herself willingly to him.  His brown eyes widened.

“You are so wet,” he had said reverently, gathering the evidence on his fingertips to show her.  They were the first words spoken between them since they lay down together. She tried to clap her legs shut, had been about the deny it -- the vulnerability was almost unbearable, but he held her still and locked eyes with her.  

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” he gave her a devilish grin and kissed her knee.

“Is it?” she asked.  A silly question, but he just nodded and lowered that vulgar mouth to her slick folds, and she all too easily gave in to this impropriety, wantonly urging him on with a sharp pull to his hair.  She briefly wondered how he knew to do such a thing, but his wicked mouth took away all ability to think. Then, there was light everywhere. Light from the windows, light behind her eyes, light burning a golden glow through every vein in her body, the source of all light his head between her thighs.  

When she finally stilled, he moved up to take her into his arms, kissing her gently when she turned to him with wide eyes.  

“Was that okay?”  he asked with a knowing grin.

“S’okay,” she gasped nonchalantly, resting her head against his broad chest.  She could feel his heart pounding. Or was it her own heart she heard in her ears?  It seemed to be one and the same. His wonderfully nimble fingers continued to eagerly caress her back, her waist, her hip, constantly moving over her skin.

“Only okay?” his deep voice growled in her ear.  “I’ll have to do better next time.”

She grinned at him, grinned at the thought that there would be a next time.  They had time, the rest of the day and the rest of the night, and she trusted him to be true to his word.  But for now, it was his turn, and she intended that she would give him as good as she got.

Sunlight fell on his pale unmarked skin -- the only tattoos he had at that time were the beginnings of the pattern above his brow -- and she explored the texture of him with feather light touches.  The skin just behind his ear was as soft and smooth as a child’s, while the skin on his elbows was hard and craggy. She counted his ribs. He was still a bit on the thin side as he was gaining height still, but regular meals and hard exercise in the practice yard had broadened  shoulders and defined his muscles. He was all hard flesh and sharp lines. She allowed her fingers to dance down to where his waist tapered into his slim hips, eliciting a rueful snort from him as he cringed away from her tickling fingers. His indulgent smile turned feral and hungry when she ran her hands over his hairy calves, up his thighs, and then between.  Her lips followed the trail her hands had made, and soon her young man lay helpless beneath her.

Rukia was certain Lady Miyako had never done anything like that.  

Especially in broad daylight.

“Is this okay?” Rukia parroted his words to her, attempting a bravado she did not feel, but her voice trembled.  He groaned and reached down to pull her up to him for a long kiss.

“Yes,” he moaned against her mouth, “Yes. Perfect.  Everything you do.”

He held her tightly as he kissed her, the rhythmic thrust of his hips letting her know without words what he wanted, but the choice was ultimately hers.  He was always satisfied with whatever she wanted to give to him. Seeing him beneath her, so trusting, so honest in his desire for her, it was an easy choice to make.  

She took him, took him for her own.  Even afterwards, after he had given her to the Kuchiki’s, when she was angry and heartbroken, she could not see herself as an innocent despoiled by the inconstant lover.  The look in his eyes was not a lie. He had given himself to her, heart, body and soul at that moment. He was hers to do with as she wanted. So, she took what he gave her, took his heart, took his body, and felt both their souls rejoice at the union.

“Look, Rukia, look…” he had whispered in awe.  He clutched her hips with desperate fingers, his gaze moving from her face to the place where they were joined.  She looked, mesmerized by the sight, and came completely undone. She collapsed on him, helpless to move anymore. He held her close, kissing her hair.

“Only you,” she had gasped.  “Do you understand?”

Renji turned her to her back and settled himself between her legs again, locking eyes with her.

“Do you?” she asked again, searching his face.  His eyes were hooded and his mouth hung open. She did not have the words to say what she truly meant.  He had to understand. Renji gave her a deep, lingering kiss before answering.

“Yes, Rukia” he groaned her name, moving within her again. “Yes,” he sighed.  “Only you. Always you.”

Satisfied, she held him in the cradle of her hips, her fingers scratching at his back until she felt him shudder, heard him cry out her name once more.  

* * *

 

As sweet as the memories of their physical union were, it was the time afterward, after they had sated themselves with each other, that was sweeter still.

After rousing themselves from the doze that had overtaken them, they bathed in the tub together, the exciting slide of soapy hands on heated flesh quite spoiled when Renji decided to splash her in the face.  Her retaliation left most of the water on the floor, but Renji only laughed and kissed her until she forgot why she was angry at him in the first place.

They returned to bed, but quiet knock disturbed their blissful reverie.  Rukia hid herself beneath the covers, sending a blushing Renji to answer the door where the innkeep stood with a midday meal.  Rukia eyed the food hungrily, amazed that so much had happened, so much had changed between them before lunchtime. It was almost absurd.

After eating, they held each other, talking and sharing lazy kisses and gentle, unhurried caresses.  She had never known a moment in her life so comfortable and carefree, and she told him so.

“I wish we did not have to go back tomorrow,” Rukia told Renji, running a finger along his jawline, following the slight stubble up to his new sideburns. She liked them and let him know by kissing one.

“I know,” he sighed and squeezed her hip.  “But I have to prepare for my second exam. If I pass that one, there is only one more to go before I can be considered for the court squad.”  He turned to grin at her.

“What do you think of that, hey?”  He kissed her nose. “You better study harder so you can join me.”

Rukia frowned.  “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to catch up to you.”  It wasn’t fair.

“Maybe not,” he said airly, “But I’ll support you if can’t make it.  We’ll rent a place and you can keep house for me while I’m out slaying hollows. Oooof!”  he grunted at the punch she gave him. “What was that for?!”

“Idiot!  You’ll be keeping house for me!” she snarled before pouncing on him, pinning him to the bed with a leg on his shoulder and her hand on his neck.

“Easy there!” He protested verbally, but he allowed her to subdue him, grinning up into her face.     

“Let’s make a bet,” he proposed, paying no notice to her half-hearted stranglehold on his throat.  “If I get into a squad first, you pay the first month’s rent. If you get in first, it’s on me.” He squeezed her bottom with one impudent hand.

“Hmph, considering you are already this far ahead of me, I don’t like the odds,” she scowled at him but moved her hand from his neck to his cheek, cupping his face gently.  Keeping house together sounded very fine, even if he did graduate before she did.

“Eh, what does it matter, as long as we’re together, right?” He flashed a brilliant smile at her.   _Nothing, nothing matters so long as we are together,_ her heart whispered to him while her lips only smiled.  Nothing mattered. Not graduation. Not the court squad.  Nothing meant anything without him.

“Can you imagine,though?” His eager voice interrupted her musings.  “Having our own space together, not having to sleep in a room of strangers every night?  It could be like this everyday!” He squeezed her bottom again and held his face up for a kiss.  

She gazed at his bright, hopeful face and felt her heart throb with a joy greater than any she had ever known.  Renji had never, ever been this happy in all the years that she had known him. In Inuzuri, they kept their thoughts in the present.  There was no point in planning for anything, knowing such plans would only come to nothing. But now, Renji was alive with hope, hope for a future -- a future he wanted to share with her.  Looking into his shining face, Rukia dared to hope as well.

So, she kissed him.  And he kissed her back.  And it was an hour later when they found themselves breathless and sweaty again, lying next to each other watching the moving shadows of the plum trees on the whitewashed walls of their room.

“You know, I don’t know if we can get a place together once we are part of the court squad,” Rukia said abruptly, breaking the silence.  She picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles. He had so many scars there. Old white ones from long ago street brawls. Fresh red ones from sword practice.  She eyed a healing burn near his palm. It looked like the result of a kido spell gone awry.

Renji turned his head to look at her in confusion.

“Sure we can,” he told her. “You don’t have to live in the barracks.  Most do, but not all.”

He had been researching it, then.  Her heart thumped in her chest.

“No, I mean,” Rukia hesitated.  “There are rules in the Seireitei, rules that Inuzuri doesn’t have about…” She paused again.  “...about men and women...living together.”

Listening to the other girls in her dorm had given her some insight into the culture of the Seireitei, particularly in regards to what was considered proper for a young lady -- not that Rukia had any problem with indulging in such indiscretions given her current circumstances.  Even so, a member of the court guard would be expected to conduct themselves in a manner that did not bring shame to their squad.

“Rules?” he raised a tattooed eyebrow at her.  “What kind of rules?”

She eyed him suspiciously.

“Maybe not rules...but you know, it’s not proper for a woman to live with a man if they aren’t…” she trailed off, too shy to continue.

“Not what?” Renji asked with a wicked smile.  He was jerking her around, she just knew it.

“You know...”  Rukia felt the blush heat up her cheeks and thought herself a fool to feel embarrassed considering they were stark naked next to each other, and she did not have a single expanse of skin that he had not touched and kissed thoroughly.

“Aww…” Renji reached out to pull her to him. “What are you suggesting?”  He hid his face in her neck and tickled her sides.

“Stop it!” she retorted, squirming against him. “I’m not suggesting anything!!”

“You could just ask, you know,” he teased, “No need to beat around the bush.”  He nuzzled her neck, and she could feel his smile against her skin.

“Shut up!” she said, trying to turn from him but he held her to his chest, he was too strong to fight, and she really did not want to. She could feel his heartbeat, could smell the manly scent of him.  Despite her embarrassment, she relaxed in his arms.

“You’re such a dumbass,” she muttered, slapping at him weakly.

“I’ll have to save up some money,” he said reflectively, ignoring her insult. “Could take a while.”

She could not see his face, and she was too shy to lift her head and meet his eye.

“Don’t worry about it,” she mumbled against his chest.  “You’d do better to save up money to finish your stupid eyebrows.”

“Hey!” The hurt in his voice was genuine.  “I thought you liked my eyebrows.”

“Eh,” she said noncommittally. “Maybe when they are finished. So, you better start pinching those pennies.”

“Nice, Rukia, ” he retorted. “Nice.”  

Rukia was afraid for a second that she had gone too far.  She actually did kind of like them, thought the lines made him look fierce and wild like a tiger, which fit what she knew of his soul.  She kissed his chest in apology. Renji’s hand began to stroke her back with slow loving caresses, up and down. He forgave her.

“It’s something to look forward to,” he murmured.  

Tattoos or marriage, she wondered.  She could not bring herself to ask, but his gentle hand on her back and the kiss he pressed to her forehead answered her silent question.

 

* * *

  

Lying in her lonely bed, Rukia wondered what Renji looked forward to now.  Drinking with his fellow officers and adding to his tattoos it would seem. And for her, what did she have to look forward to?  

She had her work as a shinigami.  She would make Kaien proud. There was that at least.

She had the others in Squad 13.  They were not so dear to her heart as Kaien, but they were her group.  She would be happy to train with them and do her part to make them all strong.

Renji had his squad and his own goals.  He was certainly more successful than he had ever imagined he could be, though Rukia always believed in him.  For now, though, she needed to let go of him in her heart, just as he had let go of her, so that she could achieve her own success and build her own life with her own squad.  Sir Kaien would be there to support her no matter what.

It was the wisest choice, though it was one that left her aching and cold.  Sir Kaien’s attention was like the warmth of the sun, but Rukia would give anything to be consumed by Renji’s fire just once more.

 


End file.
